Gruntipedia Fun: J'Suz Kusov and his Elite Posse
Article Description This page is an auto-biography created by me to tell you my story, and possibly an attempt to annoy you with my fanon. ENJOY! Oh and feel free to delete this if you wish admins, if fanon is not allowed, I'll go to the fanon site. Backstory J'Suz Kusov is the most gangster, ghetto, hardcore elite to ever live. He was born in the same ghetto that Usze 'Taham was born in (shit gets ruff in dat bitch). He is a major because he threatened the Testicle Chins by saying he would "Chris Brown them and Tiger Woods their mom", the testicle chins pictured an awful Chris Browning and an awful dick inside their momma's vag, and immediately pissed themselves from fright, thus giving him the major rank. He met his squad while invading Reach and decided that those were his "boys" and decided to chill with them in every battle. How he Met his Elite Squad Well allurbaseare 'belongtomee hired J'Suz and a few other elites to help invade reach under allurbase's command. J'Suz lead them into battle (because he was a major and they were all minors) and, impressed by their "dopeness" on the battlefield, J'Suz shouted, "DAYUM Y'ALL FOOLZ R GOOD AT DIS SHIT!" so they became homeboys and were always sent on missions together, J'Suz always commanding them. Members of the Squad: *Him *Sh'ut 'UpBich 'N'SuckMahWillee *ILike 'Big 'Tittee *Napol 'Ean 'Dynamitee (before he died, and Pedro was a member too) *O 'Hai (swordsman of the squad) *Me 'Likee *A grunt that joined against his will under the threat of death *Excuseme 'Can 'Umovepleasee *Stop 'HatinOnMee *Nah 'Gee *Ctas Vadum (half-jaw's son) His Posse after the Xenomorphs went Seperatist Well, what happened to him and his homeboys after the 'leets went seperatist was that they painted the SS-Kick Ass gree n, and killed a helluva lot of Fugly Things and Turkeys (except Soulja Boy, because they considered him gangsta enough to let him live), and yes, the one grunt in the posse helped them kill Dem Fagetz, under the threat of death that is. Goals/Rules in the Squad (Covenant) #Kill all human males. #Have sex with all human females. #Smoke so much dope that there is another word for how fucked up you are. #Assassinate John F. Kennedy (Goal Achieved, they got 1,000 gamerpoints on xbox live for that). #Slap a bitch in the face if she disrespects your authority. #Piss on Master Chief's mother R. Kelly style. #Soopa soak dat hoe #Make mad rap song about how much J'Suz pwnz faces. #Do things. #Do more things. Goals/Rules in the Squad (Seperatist) 1. Don't let "the man" bring you down. 2. Kill all brutes (they have no females so kill all the males, its all explained in this video starring DigitalPh33r's master chief action figure.) 3. Have sex with all human females. 4. Smoke so much dope that there is another word for how fucked up you are. 5. Slap a bitch in the face if she disrespects your authority. 6. Piss on Truth's mother R. Kelly style. 7. Soopa soak dat hoe 8. Make mad rap songs about how much J'Suz pwnz faces. 9. Do things 10. Do more things. Invention of the term "Squidface" J'Suz was getting tired of selling crack to 1st grade children one day and shooting them with his Plasma Cum Lawn Chair when they wouldn't buy it, and decided to invent a new slang term that only elites are allowed to use, known as "squidface" (ex. WHADDUP MAH SKWIDFACE?). Ever since that day it has been the most popular elite slang term since "Wortgy (defined on This Page)". Speciesist Trials It just so happens that other species have been heard using the term too (ex. Brutes, Grunts, Humans, Jackals, and Monitor's) and many beings have been going to court for using "Speciesist Terms against the elites". Also many elites have been sued for assaulting non-elites that use this term. The reason elites get so pissed is because its a term for ELITES ONLY. Stuff he did after Master Chief's Secret Cutscene at the end of Halo 3 Master Chief Died After the war was over, him and his homeboys went back to Sangheilios, popped a few bottles, lit up a few blunts, and partied like fucking crazy. The Elites still had a war with the Brutes but J'Suz and his boys did not partake in the war with the brutes because they were lazy fucks who bitched like crazy over doing too much work like a teenager not wanting to do homework. Well after he partied him and his boys went their seperate ways, they kept in touch but they all had to move on in life. They all said goodbye to eachother by saying "Yo dogg i'mma miss yo ass, remember, don't do drugs..........without me" then they all did that elite roar thing (except the grunt who just jumped up and down) and then walked away chuckin up dem duecez at eachother. To this day we salute them for being the most gangster aliens in the galaxy and salute them for getting the job done in the war and they will not be forgotten. *Marines fire their battle riffles in the sky* Several years later, J'Suz became possesed by Justin Bieber's jesus powers, thus making him gay and raping several higher ranking members of the UNSC including Lord Hood, Chuck Norris' statue, Noble Six's helmet and many other undocumented cases. One day J'Suz was declared a 3rd degree noob, terrifying many people around the galaxy. A monitor was working on an anti-noob beam, similiar to the anti-AIDS beam, without success due to the extreme noobiness of people such as J'Suz at the time. But a year later Justin Bieber's gay powers wore off and J'Suz became straight again, allowing himself to apologize for his terrifying of the galaxy (like bill clinton apologizing for the sex scandal) and errthang was all good in the hood den. However, this was not the end of his misfortune. A short time after recovering, his good friend, Napol 'Ean 'Dynamitee, began to suffer a combination of Justin Bieberism and Noob cancer, not only crippling his vocabulary, but also screwing around with his voice so he sounded like some whingy little girl. Napol sadly did not die for many years and lived through immense suffering until the suicide part of noobism kicked in and he destroyed himself, several of J'Suz's girls and J'Suz's private spectre. Out of anger (and possibly slight gayness remaining from the previous incident) J'Suz began teabagging Napol's body before some noob blew himself up with a garden variety lawn chair and caused everyone to celebrate. Secret Message to the Prophet of Haters on July 29, 2574 J'Suz was never completely gone, he sent a message to the Prophet of Haters on facebook challenging him to a rap battle. The message said "YO BRUH I HEAR U GOOD AT RAPPIN, U AINT BETTAH DEN ME DOGG." The Prophet replied "Oh yes I am, do you want a piece of this shit??" J'Suz replied, "BRING IT BEEYATCH!". How lame the Rap Battle Was... The rap battle drawed a lot of attention, the Humans, Hunters, Grunts, Brutes, AIDS, Forerunners(they used their jesus powers to bring themselves back to life to watch this), Almighty Drones, Jackals and Carl Sagan watched. They thought it was going to be dope as fuck, but it turns out that it was so lame that it made Lil Wayne sound like a good rapper. Everybody left after 10 minutes of the battle. But the battle went on for days even though nobody was watching, they both were very tired with bloodshot eyes. After the fifth day of rap battling they both passed out from having no sleep at all, so NEITHER of them won. Recent Arrest... J'Suz and his crew got arrested on Sanghelios recently for their 437th time. It all started when they had a re-union from the war. They all chilled at Stop 'HatinOnMee's house, had a few rap battles, watched the boondocks a little and smoked hella Sanghelios Cannabis. Then, they decided to go out for a drive on their pimped out Revenant's while still high on weed (and possibly crack). They went OVER 9000 miles over the speed limit, a member of Teh Elite poleecemen plasma pistol'd the revenant which Stop 'HatinOnMee was driving. He got out of the driver's seat and was all like, "WAT DA FUCK DO YOO WANT?!" while stumbling over shit attempting to walk. The police guy was all like, "Sir, do you know your going OVER 9000 miles over the speed limit?", then J'Suz yelled, "WHO GIVES A SHIT?!" from the passenger seat he was sitting in. Then they both laughed that retarded laugh people do when they're high. The Police Guy then said, "Are you both high?" then Stop said, "Why yes I am, thank you! :)" then J'Suz was all like, "YO! wat da fudge bro? U don't tell him dat!". The police guy then was all like, "You two are under arrest for driving while intoxicated, going over the speed limit, and insulting a police officer." Stop then said, "Mayne dats sum bullshit, fo real! Da other ppl in our posse be doin dat shit too and u aint arrest dem.", J'Suz then yelled, "SHUT DA FUCK UP! R U TRYING 2 GET US ARRESTED?!" Suddenly then 3 other Revenants came and crashed into eachother, the people in the Revenants happened to be the other members of the posse. Sh'ut 'UpBich 'NSuckMahWillee then got out of the drivers seat of the crashed revenant and stumbled over shit trying to walk just like Stop did. He said, "U DOUCHEBAG! FUCK THA POLEECE!" then Napol 'Ean 'Dynamitee called the cop a "freakin' idiot". Then they all passed out, and woke up in seperate cells in a prison on Sanghelios, but the one Grunt apart of the posse got his own private cell for attempting to stab the police officer. They all are going to be there for 3 years. OH NOEZ!1!one!﻿ Category:Douchebags Category:Elites Category:Elites that had sex with female humans Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Shit people complain about Category:Characters